I'm No Superman

A journey into Brenna's head, first day of residency (a la JD in Scrubs, minus the theme music and the ability to wrap up a storyline in less than 30 minutes. And any actual coherence)

4:45 am - Alarm goes off. Oh no. I'm not ready. Today? Really? I'm supposed to start? What would happen if I just... didn't show up...?

5:00 am - Shower. At least I'll be a clean doctor.

5:30 am - Getting ready to go. Stethescope! Doctors carry stethescopes! If I have a stethescope, no one will notice my glaring lack of doctoring ability. Where's my stethescope?!

5:50 am - Lost. Where the hell is the employee parking lot?

6:00 am - Wandering the bowels of the hospital. Davis Tower. Davis Tower. Where is Davis Tower?

6:05 am - "Doc Box" for checkout. Shoot. Wake up, wake up, wake up. You're actually supposed to pay attention to this now that you're a doctor. Listen! Stop talking to yourself!

6:15 am - Getting vitals from computer. I don't know where the weight is! Or what meds were given! What patient is this? Where am I? Why did I choose to do this? I don't want to be a doctor! I'll be a... teacher. Or a lifeguard. Or a morning radio show personality. I don't want to do this. I don't like this. That one girl quit in her first month of residency. Maybe she was smart.

6:15 - 8:00 am - More vitals, and pre-rounding. Yes, that's it. I'll quit. So what about loans. I'll pay them back eventually. No, wait. I like seeing the patients. No. I hate this. But some parts I like. Except for the things I don't. Do I hate it more than I like it? Yes. Yes, I do. I hate it. I could be a firefighter. They save people. Without stethescopes.

8:00 - 10:00 am - Rounds in the "Doc Box." Listen, listen. Maybe I could do the residency thing, and then quit. That way, I wouldn't be, you know, all embarassed about the quitting thing. I could move to Poland or something. And open a flower shop. Oh, shoot. Present patient now. Try to sound like you're not a third year med student on their first day. I'm smart, I'm confident, I have a stethescope. And a pen!

10:00 - 12:00 - Wandering around the floor, writing orders, seeing patients. Okay. Not so bad. I like talking to families. I like defusing potentially volatile situations. But I can still quit. If I want to.

12:00 - 12:30 - Lunch. How are the other interns doing? Am I worse than them? How much worse? I don't want to be worse. I want to be better. Or at least the same. The same. I like the same.

12:30 - 2:00 - More working on things on the floor. I am wandering around in circles. But at least I know when I'm in the wrong place now. I know how to write orders. That one guy actually called me doctor - and I don't think he even saw the stethescope. I discharged two patients. Go me! They actually left the hospital. I did that! I said they should go, and they did! I said, "Take Aspirin!" and they're going to! I write an order, and I don't need a co-signer. The power! I'm getting tired.

2:00 pm - Getting coffee. Wait a second... I LOVE this! Why would I quit?! It's great! Ha! So take that 'firefighter.'

2:05 - 2:35 - Closed in private room dictating a discharge summary. Hahahahaha! I have NO idea what I'm doing! But I like it! The transcriptionist is going to think I'm crazy. This is probably the worst discharge summary EVER. How wonderful!

2:35 - 4:00 - Accepting PICU transfer. I have a plan for the patient! I'm formulating clinical decisions. Granted, they're nothing earth-shattering, but it is my patient, and I'm formulating a clinical plan, and I'm right, and we're going to follow it!

4:00 - 5:00 pm - Check out in the "Doc Box." I'm listening! I care! I'm not forcing it! I sound like I know what I'm talking about!


So... the first day was extremely emotional (for my inner mind), but not very busy (for my body). I thanked my lucky stars that we started on a Sunday. Things are sure to be busier tomorrow. I know that I will have some bad experiences this month, and this year (and this life), but I'm glad that my first day as a "Doctor" was overall benign. And I'm so not going to quit.