Never Ending Story

A few months back, I declared the saga of the (MM)PWHM to be at an end. Once third year ended, I really thought it was so. It was quite thrilling to be free from the drama that surrounded all of that nastiness.

Shortly after the end of third year, however, I got a note in my box from one of the (MM)PWHM. And, oh how angry I got. How dare he disrupt my new-found peace and calm, thought I. I stewed in my own anger and resentment for a few days, and wrote a very mature (if I do say so myself) response. Basically, I said, it was bad and hard and I got over it and moved on.

Then... I felt some satisfaction, but also some... disappointment I guess is the right word. That was when it really felt over to me. I'd closed the door on what had once been a very good friendship.

Well, it turns out that someone's foot was in that door. Over the last few weeks, I've found myself in the company of the letter-writing (MM)PWHM. And what was most unusual was not only the fact that I didn't get nauseated or break out into hives in his presence, but also that it almost felt normal. But there was still that underlying thread of tension. See, I still thought that he hated me, or at least had at some point thought terrible things of me.

So, times passes on, and people gain courage and resolve, and suddenly I found myself in the park yesterday afternoon, having a real conversation with (MM)PWHM. And, it turns out he doesn't actually hate me. At all. Never did. He's a (MM)PWDAHM - that's (Mysteriously Missing) Person Who Doesn't Actually Hate Me.

And what does that all mean? I guess we're going to try to be friends. It just baffles me, really, as had this whole process. I am consciously entering into this. Both my eyes are open, and my feet are firmly planted on solid ground. I fear that I will end up back in the same place I was before, but I have faith that I know myself better now. So, even though it may not be the best decision, I am letting my heart beat out my reason on this one.

I just hope that I don't come to regret it.

(I don't think I will...)