Nothing to fear

I'm in psych right now, and since the #1 anxiety disorder is a Phobia, this seemed an appropiate list:

Alektorophobia: Fear of chickens
Bogyphobia: Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman
Coulrophobia: Fear of clowns
Dendrophobia: Fear of trees
Euphobia: Fear of hearing good news
Frigophobia: Fear of cold or cold things
Geniophobia: Fear of chins
Homichlophobia: Fear of fog
Isopterophobia: Fear of termites, insects that eat wood
Japanophobia: Fear of Japanese
Kosmikophobia: Fear of cosmic phenomenon
Lutraphobia: Fear of otters
Mnemophobia: Fear of memories
Novercaphobia: Fear of your stepmother
Ophthalmophobia: Fear of being stared at
Paraskavedekatriaphobia: Fear of Friday the 13th
Ranidaphobia: Fear of frogs
Sciophobia: Fear of shadows
Textophobia: Fear of certain fabrics
Urophobia: Fear of urine or urinating
Verbophobia: Fear of words
Wiccaphobia: Fear of witches and witchcraft
Xanthophobia: Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow
Zemmiphobia: Fear of the great mole rat

I'm sorely disappointed that there is no "y" phobia. So I'll make one up: Yardophobia: fear of curly blonde hair. See more phobias here.

My fear tonight is that I won't get to eat dinner. I'm on call with the grumpy resident, and we didn't really finish rounds until after 7, and I lost my Pocket PC with my credit card (I'm getting it back - another student found it and e-mailed me), so I have no money on me, and I don't think that she'd buy me dinner or give me the opportunity to run home to eat. Grrr. And I'm missing the only all-school party of the year that is worth going to.

Is it okay if I keep whining? I'm on the psych inpatient floor right now, so I may just fit in...

Another Night On Call!!!

Yippee!!!  This time, I'm in psych.  It has been a relatively quiet night for psych.  (As an interesting aside, I keep typing "psycho" instead of "psych."  Freudian connotations anyone?) 

My thoughts on psych so far: very, very different than medicine.  My fellow partner-in-crime (i.e. the other student on consults with me) pointed out this morning that the residents on psych have a personality.  Not that the medicine residents don't, per se.  It's just that they're so... stressed out most of the time, that they turn a bit robo-tronic.  And I did not meet a single medicine intern in June (their last month of internship) who did not claim to be at the most cynical point of their entire life.  Medicine just does that to you. 

Not psychiatry, apparently.  I have actually laughed - guffawed even - every day on psych so far.  Everyone is basically pretty chill (well, okay, except one resident who is wound up really, really tight and talksreallyreallyfastsothatyoucanbarelyunderstandwhatsheissaying.  She smokes.)

And the patients are different, too.  We do see patients admitted to the medicine floors, since we are the Consult Team (remember the capes!)  But the intereactions are different.  No stethescopes, no 'where does it hurt.'  We get to hear a lot of stories.  I thought I'd heard some good stories on medicine, but these stories I've heard lately are much more... interesting, I guess.  More hardships and craziness that people have gone through.    And all you have to do is say, "Hi, I'm so-and-so from psych" and they either 1. spill their guts or 2. claim they don't need psych and then proceed to spill their guts.  Except for the one guy this morning who seemed convinced that Satan had sent us, and promptly tried to save us through Jesus Christ.  But he was the exception. 

I love the stories that I get to hear.

That all said and done, though... I am not a fan of psychiatry as a career choice.  Yes, they're laid back and yes, the stories are great.  But after you get that story, it is all med management.  That's ALL it is.  "How is that Xanax working for you, Mr. Anxious?"; "Are you able to sleep better with the Trazodone, Ms. Manic?"  Gack.  Me and medications do not mix in the first place, but then to have a specialty where that is really all that you do.  Nope.  Not for me. 

But I'll have fun for the remaining three weeks that I'm here!

Perhaps this is the consult team:

Power Rangers Movie!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Long time

So that whole "internet at home" thing has yet to fully pan out.  Grr.

Now I'm on psych, on the Consult team (got a psycho?  Call the consult team!!)  We wear green capes with a big "C" on the back.  Not really, but wouldn't that be cool???

Nothing much interesting going on nowadays.

Cruise in four weeks!  Disney World before that!  New York City before that!  LOTS of working out at the Y before that!   Yippee!  I've become an official Y junkie.  Now, when I am able to make it (being a super-hero psych consult person takes a long time) to the Y, I'm there for like 2 hours.  Fun.

Top 10

The top 10 U.S. cities in which to find a rich, single man:
1. San Francisco Bay area, including Oakland and San Jose
2. Anchorage, Alaska
3. Washington D.C. and Baltimore, Maryland area
4. Sheboygan, Wisconsin
5. Naples, Florida
6. Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota
7. Rochester, Minnesota
8. Boston, Massachusetts
9. Fort Walton Beach, Florida
10. Dallas, Texas

I know people who live in 5 of these 10 places.   Almost 6 of 10.  Maybe I should move back to Minnesota... 

Nope.  Don't think I could do that!

I need to studay today.  Grrrr.  Test tomorrow.  Neuro over, kind of sad...

Huzzah!

I have the internet at home now! Granted, it is quite slow, and a tad frustrating, but fun nonetheless.

Now off to the Y...

Close Call

The Mysteriously Missing People Who Hate Me (MMPWHM) are supposed to be back on Monday when we start our psych rotation. This terrifies me. For psyche, we can call ahead of time to request what team we want to be on. I thought about doing this, to try to ensure that I would not be on a team with MMPWHM. But, I also was thinking that I should at least pretend to be an adult, and just let what happens happen...

Today, I joined forces with two non-MMPWHM and we decided to call to request things after all. And guess what. We had already been assigned. And guess - just guess - who I was paired with?? Yup. The biggest MMPWHM there is. Awful. Thankfully, we were able to pull a switch, and I will now be with a non-MMPWHM. How horrendously awful a month with that person would have been is beyond me. I'd have had a nervous breakdown, I just know it. Because I still seem to be the only one of all of us involved that is affected by it. I guess it is easier to dump a friend than to be the dumpee.

I feel like I narrowly missed death.

Question: how stable do you think a relationship is between a CCU nurse and a new second year resident that has existed for... less than 7 months, when she was (within the last year) previously dating a fellow? Not that I'd try to break it up or anything... I'm not the devil - I don't care what anyone says otherwise!!

Straight out of WHMS?

I just found out that my ex-boyfriend is engaged! I'm surprised, but not. It has been almost two years after all. (I'm amazed that time passes so quickly!) I guess the most disturbing thing about all of this is that I've not really dated anybody since I broke up with him. And he's engaged. Granted, he needs to get married to maintain citizenship in this country... I'm not dissing on him at all. Part of the reason I ended it was because I knew he needed to get married, and I knew that it would not be to me. He moved to the US as a young child, and because of stupid immigrant laws, had to be wed by 2005 (or something), or he'd have been sent back to his country of birth - whose language he isn't even fluent in any more. I think that's just silly, but that is beside the point.

The point being that I have an ex that is getting married. In a couple of weeks! (He proposed officially this weekend, I guess...) Just odd.

I feel like re-enacting the When Harry Met Sally scene, where she calls Harry and freaks out that her ex is getting married to "Kimberly." (at least, I think it's Kimberly) Except, I don't have a Harry, and I'm more like the Joe character in WHMS (i.e. I was the dumper, not the dumpee; and I was the one not looking to get married)

On a different note: I have seen three residents just get chewed out today. Ahhh... the immunity of being a hapless, clueless third year med student!

Steeeee---rike!!!

Ever had one of those days? A day where you walk around in a haze of confusion with an overwhelming feeling of stupidity? If you're a med student, the answer to that question is more than likely yes. (unless I'm totally wrong, and I'm the only one...) I don't know what it is like for the general population at large.

Today started out okay. I pre-rounded on my patients, got an H&P (history and physical) on the new patient admitted last night, went to morning report, and had all my notes ready when rounds started. The bases were loaded and I was ready to bat.

I got to present the new patient right away, which usually is not a problem - in fact, there are times when I enjoy it. It is where you get to tell the best story of the patient's entire hospitalization: why they are there! what sort of strange background led up to the problem at hand! what lab tests showed! what phsyical exam maneuvers were just bizarre! It can be a great time. Unless your attending stands there staring at you, looking as if he will shoot lasers out of his laser-eyes into your nostrils, thru your ethmoid bone, into your frontal lobe for a modern day lobotomy to ensure that you never again form a full sentence, should you should happen to present anything incorrectly. Anything. Guess how well my presentation went this morning? It hearkened back to my days in the CCU, where I was wont to refer to a female patient as "he" because I was just really, really confused.

Strike One.

I never even had the chance to redeem myself! My second patient was whisked away to Neuro rehab, so I didn't really need to present that one. Then we had to leave rounds early to go to lecture. The timing usually doesn't work that way, except that our laser-eyed attending doesn't start rounds until 10 am, which is actually much more annoying than you'd think.

The lecture today was pretty interesting. Very interesting, in fact. Made more so by the fact that every time I opened my mouth to answer a question, I was 180 degrees away from the right answer. But, hey. At least I tried.

Ball One.

Lunch was uncomplicated.

Back on the floor. My upper level kept wanting me to do things, and, even though I was willing, I felt...frantic. I'm not sure why. I don't think I can blame this one on myself... I have a feeling that the upper level himself was frantic, and that I was just getting the frantic aura. I don't think I helped him much, though, as I kept doing things wrong. And nurses kept asking me questions whose answers I did not know.

Strike Two.

As we approaced the time to leave, one of my patients came to me in a huff demanding to know something about their medical care. This morning, the patient had been docile and sweet. (remember yesterday? my docile sweet patient who went crazy? Do I have this effect on people???) I did not know what to tell the patient. I'd seen them for a bit this morning, and that was it... and a lot of that was in the aftermath of my lobotomization.

::Cut to scene of Brenna making stuff up.::

A few minutes later, I am asked to go speak to the family of yesterday's crazy patient. Okay, remember when I said I had to leave rounds early? This has happened EVERY DAY this week, and as a result, I've NEVER seen this patient with any docs. It has all been me. Alone. Clueless. This is the person they send to go reassure the family and allay their fears. I KNOW NOTHING.

::Cut to scene of Brenna making stuff up.::

But I sounded smart...

Balls Two and Three.

The bases are loaded, and I'm at full count.

I think I'll go home now.

Good stuff.

Hmm.

I feel as if I should write something, but I have nothing to say. That is rare, actually. The fact that I have nothing to say. I usually have lots to say. But today? Nothing. Huh.

I think I may go to the mall. I haven't been there since April 2nd. The day I took my boards.

Did you know that it is July?

I had a patient start yelling at me this afternoon for hiding her "bill" today. (I think she was saying bill...I'm still not positive about that) I was informed that if her bill showed up on television, that it would become my bill. Also that I should stop pretending that I didn't know what damn bill she was talking about.

She knew that it was July.

Which I didn't.

Even though I fully understand that the reason I saw fireworks lighting up the night sky recently was in celebration of the union's 228th birthday and not because I was kissing my new-found soulmate. Because I was not kissing anyone, soulmate or otherwise.

Question of the day: Isn't the concept of "soul-mate" somewhat boring?

Emergency!

I'm heinously tired. Ha. I don't know that I've ever used the word heinous before. Definitely not in that context. I missed dinner tonight, so please forgive me any... random bizarreness-osity.

Tonight, dear children, we have a study on different doctor's (or perhaps just males in general's) personalities. It won't be a long lesson, or I'm likely to eat this plastic model of a brain sitting in front of me. Mmmmm...I love me some cerebellum...

I was down in the ED (I'm on call tonight, and that is the cool place to be) Guess who else was there? No, wrong. It was FNIB. But, see...I didn't realize FNIB was there until at least 20 minutes had passed. This was because FNIB was stuck in the shadow of a BJ. Yes, folks, a BJ. "What," you ponder queryingly, "is a BJ?" Well. Let me edu-mi-cate y'all. A BJ is a "Beautiful Jerk." This is a male that is quite objectively... beautiful. There is really no other description. I despise the usage of "hot." I like my sauce hot, and my coffee hot, but not people. That just cheapens it. But I digress. Like Dr. Ober, which is why, I think, he's one of the coolest people I've ever had as a teacher. However, he is not a BJ, and that is the subject of tonight's ramble.

BJ. It does not matter his true identity, for all he will ever be is a BJ. Objectively beautiful. The jerk part is just something that you feel emanating off of some people. He may be the nicest person in the world, but he will always be a BJ. He just is. So deal with it.

BJ swaggers around the ED. He has no goal in mind. I know, because I'm sitting there, doing nothing, and my eyes just naturally follow him. That's part of the BJ-ness. I watch him, even though he's basically just making laps around the ED.

FNIB wanders aimlessly around the ED. He, also has no goal in mind, but this is obvious to absolutely everyone who even glances at him. I try to watch what he's doing (because I'm still sitting there, doing nothing), but I keep losing him, even though he's basically just making laps around the ED.

As an aside - there is also a consumptive poet (male) wandering around the ED masquerading as a doctor. I don't know where he came from, but if this guy does not stand in the moonlight serenading a beautiful woman standing on a balcony sometime in his life, there is something wrong with the world.

I may have more BJ vs. FNIB comparisons to make, but right now my mouth is full of neoprene basal ganglia. Darn it all to hockey sticks. FEED ME.

The Book Ban, and Why I am a Bad Person

I am no longer allowed to purchase books, as of right now. Finis.

And, I really hate it that my gut instinct is now to check Amazon to see if I can find a book cheaper than I can at Powell's

I'm exercising my patience to an extreme degree today.

Arg.

I was just going to write something really amazing, but my stupid pager is being stupid again. I just picked it up, because I brought it in Monday for being stupid. I thought it was smart now, but nope! Still stupid.

AHH!

#*$PMS*(^&#

I'm tired and I'm hungry, and I don't like my upper level, and my patient keeps crying (why, oh, why do people feel the need to tell me all their troubles?!) and my other patient smells like poo, and I have to go to a stupid 3 hour training, and my head hurts and I have NO ONE TO COMPLAIN TO.

Ppbbblllltttt.

To Do Lists

This weekend, I made an all-encompassing "To Do" list, with the dream of accomplishing everything on it before Monday. Pipe dreams, of course, but I had to give it a shot. Knowing that one particular friend would read the list, I included the task: "Get a Date" just to be funny. Then there was a party Saturday night, and I decided to at least try to check that one off. (Me trying is generally not that effective) Anyway, I turned my full flirty force on two different lucky guys from our class. Totally harmless, and a lot of fun, really...

So, today we started new rotations - I'm in neuro, on the stroke service for two weeks, then on general neuro. (by the way, for anyone keeping track, 2 of the 3 people who hate me have completely DISAPPEARED. I SWEAR I had nothing to do with it!!!) The two aforementioned boys (men? am I that old yet?) are on a different team - together. They were on rounds this afternoon, and came to the floor I'm on. I was then faced with a dilemma which I have never experienced before: how to flirt with two guys at once. Or really, since we were technically at work, and full-force flirting is not really highly encouraged, how to not let either of them think that I was paying more attention to the other. It was quite a sticky situation. I felt like Marcia Brady. With curly hair and glasses. You know what I discovered, though? It's kinda fun! I think I should just keep up the flirting, and never actually check that task off the list...

I'm going on a cruise! Today begins the "Cruise Body Quest" That should include going to the Y to work out, but...I don't wanna!! I'm tired, I slept horribly last night, I need to be in by 6:30 tomorrow, and it is already past my 6pm rule. (Home by 6? Y by 7) So...I'll stick with the less food leg of CBQ, and hopefully I'll have time for the gym leg tomorrow. Is there another leg?

I haven't seen FNI in many, many days. Otherwise, I could potentially have 3 males to balance. Oh what a topsy-turvy world!

Movie Review

I love movies.

Just saw The Terminal starring Tom Hanks this weekend. It was a fantastic movie. I really enjoyed it, even if it was a full 128 minutes long (plus the 20 or so previews our theater insists on showing - 5 previews: good; 8-10 + commercials: just too many). I just discovered that this story was loosely based on a real person! Some guy has been living in the Charles de Gualle airport in Paris since 1988. I was 10 in 1988. Don't believe me? I'm not quite sure if I do... but check it out here.

Ah...I fear my internet may be about to crash on me... And I have dinner coming up, so alas, I must depart.

I'm going on a cruise in August! Yippeeeee!

The Rebellion Begins!!!

All technology is revolting against me! First my pager, then my computer. I'm a little frightened of going home to see what disastrous events will greet me there.

Argh.

Thankfully, all I needed for the test was a #2 pencil. I wonder what would really happen if I took a test with a #3 pencil...

Work-a-holics 'R Us

I have never understood how people in 'business' (generic term for any industry that I know nothing about) could spend 80 hours a week at work - it is just paper and numbers and junk. At least that's my perception of it - I don't want to offend anyone...Gretchen... :) I had felt the same way about doctors, too. Why not just leave at the end of the day - it will all be there tomorrow, after all. After a mere 8 weeks of medicine, I feel differently... It is really bothering me that I don't know what is going on with my patients. I actually considered going on rounds again this morning, even though yesterday was our last day. We're working with people's lives here. We have so much responsibility. (Well, not me personally, but the team does) Already, my own needs seem less important than figuring out why a patient is in renal failure, or making sure that another patient's hemoglobin rises appropriately after blood transfusion. As with everything in medicine, there has to be a balance... Someday, I'm sure I'll find it.

New medical term I learned this week: "squirrel." Refers to a patient who is faking pain or other symptoms. We had a squirrel on service this week. She seemed like she was really having symptoms (nausea/vomiting and severe abdominal pain) even though tests showed nothing. After they kept her NPO for two days, she miraculously felt better.

I have a test this afternoon. Blech.

Yesterday, I was sitting outside Jason's Deli waiting for Susan. One of the high school-aged employees came out for a smoke and a phone call. She told her friend on the phone that she'd been waiting over an hour for a cigarette, and was so riled up that she'd actually slapped a fellow employee. Slapped! Because she hadn't had a cigarette! Does she NOT see something wrong with that? Good grief, people. If not having something makes you a raving lunatic, maybe you should try to give it up. Grr. I wanted to slap her myself! But, then, it had been a while since I'd had caffeine... ;)

Rambling, rambling, rambling...

If I Only Had a Brain...

That song just popped into my head. Ominous for my test Friday? I hope not.

Time to check out. Not that I'm leaving. Of course not. It's CALL NIGHT!!! And we have room for 9 patients. That's after being fully-capped for like 3 weeks. Ugh. Well, at least my last call night on gen med won't be boring.

Oh, I would tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit

and think some more...

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain


IF ONLY!!!

A message for a new tomorrow

Former President Bush is to jump from an airplane tomorrow. Twice. (Obviously, he's parachuting, not taking Kevorkian's ethics to the skies.) His mission is to send out the message that "just because you're 80, that doesn't mean you can't do fun stuff or interesting things." Fun stuff or interesting things. I wonder how many 80 year olds are interested in parachuting? I mean... I am, but I'm 26.

Anyway. It's 11:30, and I have to be back here at 5:30, so I'm going to go find out if I can go home yet.

I tried (and missed) my first lumbar puncture today!

Confessions of a Psycho

Okay, so yesterday was my birthday. Yay for me, blah, blah, I'm old and all that jazz.

Now to the real matter at hand: the question of my sanity.

So. My very first week as a third year medical student, I worked with a team that was entirely male (11 males and me on rounds...odd experience) They were only there for a week, but during that one week, I let myself become slightly obsessed with one of the males on the team. The only reason for this was that he was single. To this day, he is the only single resident/intern/attending that I have worked with - male or female. Well, there was one other guy, but I'm 95% sure that he's gay, so he doesn't count.

Anyway. The intern. He has kind of a fun name (which I'm not going to post online - I'm not that dumb), so it is kind of fun to repeat it in my head. Much as one might repeat the phrase "Hearken to the bananas soliloquize rhapsodically." I was sad when said fun-named intern left the team. He was a nice guy, after all. And single, which appears to be my only qualification at times...

I knew that I could potentially see him around again, though. He was doing outpatient stuff for a month, then would be back at the hospital. I didn't know where, though. Then. My first day on general medicine, fun-named intern's brother is on one of the other medicine teams (he's a fourth year med student). I overhear that FNI is working in the MICU. Since then I've seen FNI's fun name on several charts of patients that get sent to us from MICU. But I had no occasion to actually go to the MICU to take care of some spy-team spying.

THEN. Yesterday, one of the nicest patient's I have had went in for a colonoscopy to look for GI bleeding. During this, the doctor managed to tear a hole in her colon. Yeah. Now it's bleeding. Darn... I feel very bad for this patient - BUT - guess where she is right now? Go on! Guess! That's right. She is in the MICU! I just went to see her. AND!!! FNI was there! I couldn't come up with an excuse to go talk to him, and I'm not 100% sure that he saw me...but. It was still fun anyway. :) I went to the cafeteria to get a Diet Pepsi to celebrate. Though...after more than a month... I'm starting to think that maybe I should shift my attentions to FNIB. That's fun-named intern's brother, who also, incidentally, has a fun name.

Sane or no? You be the judge. I'm off hearkening to those lovely bananas.