We're going to do a "Choose Your Own Adventure" day. Except that you can't actually choose, since I already chose, and I have not yet mastered the skill of alteration of Time and Space, so cannot therefore go back and choose a different choice. So, let's call it a "Choose My Adventure" sort of a post, mmm-kay?
6:45: Alarm goes off. Do you:
a) Get up, as planned to go make a fresh pot of coffee, have a quick bite to eat and a few moments to yourself before the kids wake up
b) Hit the snooze button repeatedly until Child A hops exuberantly into your bed and starts talking non-stop.
c) Get up and work out
You choose b.
After addressing Child A's numerous questions about what was going to happen during the day, she declares that she can't possibly get out of (your) bed yet and getting dressed is beyond the last thing that she could possibly do. So, you run downstairs, start a pot of coffee, check back in with Child A (now feigning sleep) and go to wake up Child B and Child C.
Child B only resists getting up a little bit. He has had copious diarrhea for the last 5 days and has woken up soaked in disgusting combination of urine and stool for the last several mornings. You are elated to find his bed only mildly damp this morning!
Do you:
a) Soak him in the bath to make sure he starts the day fresh and clean, not slightly smelling of urine.
b) Wipe him down with baby wipes.
You choose b.
Child C, who has been awake for about 45 minutes talking to himself and making bizarre noises gladly hops out of bed. You give him an extra squeeze, because... thank you.
Now, back to Child A. She has moved from your bed to her bedroom floor at the prompting of your husband (Who is amazing, and helps out where he can. I only gloss over his contributions for the sake of brevity)
She picked her clothes out last night, thank goodness. But she still insists that she is incapable of doffing or donning any clothes by herself (despite the multiple costume changes you have seen her execute sans assistance).
7:50: All kids (and yourself) finally clothed (but not bathed), you head downstairs. You try to convince all of them simultaneously that it doesn't matter who picks out their juice cup first. This may or may not involve yelling.
Child A wants yogurt and orange juice.
Child B wants "monkey" cereal and apple juice.
Child C wants "mama" cereal and apple juice.
All of them want it first. You try to convince them that it doesn't matter whose food is prepared first. This may or may not involve yelling.
You grab some coffee and a quick bite to eat while managing requests for seconds, thirds, or entirely different meals than what they were already served.
8:15: Everyone fed, dressed and shoed, you head to the car.
8:25: You drive away from home. You wonder again how it takes 10 minutes (on a good day) to get from the front door to driving away.
8:35: Drop Child A off at Pre school.
Now, left with two children, do you:
a) Go to Target.
b) Take them to the park, it is a nice sunny day after a lot of rainy days, and they need to get some energy out.
c) Go home and try to clean a little while the boys play.
d) Work out
You choose a.
Target with Child B and C is much easier than with all three. Heck, Target with Child B and C is easier than Target with Child A alone. Child A has discovered consumerism. Children B and C are (as of yet) happy to play with a toy, then put it back on the shelf.
You spend an inordinate amount of time at Target, seeing as you only went to pick up some birthday gifts for Child A (who is about to turn 5!) and a few groceries. A lot of that time is spent bribing Child B with food. And taking two separate trips to the bathroom to change two separate poopy diapers. Even though Child B insisted on sitting on the potty when you were changing Child C's diaper.
Time to check out. Do you:
a) Choose the longer line with the checker you recognize as being okay, but a talker.
b) Self check out
c) Choose the slightly shorter line with a checker you don't recognize.
You choose c.
You chose wrong. You always choose wrong.
Your friendly new Target checker is perhaps the slowest checker you've ever encountered in your life. And super chatty. And doesn't seem to understand that you need to attend to Child B who is more and more frantically insisting that "I push button!" on the ATM pad. So you spend the 10+ minutes in the checkout line holding Child B, trying to distract him, while making idle conversation with the checker. "Yes, yes, you will get to push the button, but not yet. Yes, that is a great deal. No, don't touch that. No, I haven't tried those before. Stop pulling on my purse! Oh, you don't need to bag the gallons of milk. Here, hold the card, but it isn't time yet. Or the two liters. Oops! You dropped the card. Yes I have a Red Card. Okay, put the card in. No cash back, thank you. No, don't pull the card out yet! You can push the button now!"
It finally ends, and has taken long enough, that it is already time to go get Child A from school. (It is early release day, so she's done a bit earlier.)
You get all the kids home, out of the car, manage to distract Child A enough that she doesn't catch on that the back of the car is filled with a myriad of birthday and Easter (and probably Christmas) presents. Child B wants to carry in all the groceries BY HIMSELF, and child C trips and falls while carrying a 6 pack of beer* (thankfully, child and beer survive unscathed). Also Child A is upset because I am paying attention to her brothers and not her. Lots of talking and soothing.
*I did not hand said child a 6 pack of beer. He grabbed it from where I had briefly set it down to help Child B deal with a gallon of milk.
12:00 You made it to lunch!
... and the end of this particular blog post. I'll post more of your day tomorrow (honestly, it actually is tomorrow already).
You can head on to Part two here!
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