Lessons from Brenna:

I am addressing the gentlemen out there tonight. Not that I expect there are all that many that actually read my blog, but whatever. These things need to be said, and I feel it is my mission to say them.

The lesson today is: Bar/Club Behavior.

Lesson 1: Eye Contact.
Just because a girl makes eye contact with you does NOT mean that she is interested. Even if she makes repeated eye contact with you, do not start thinking that you are hot stuff. More than likely, you are just in the line of sight of a) the bathroom; b) the slutty looking girl her friend just pointed out or c) the guy she really is trying to make eye contact with. Eye contact is NOT about quantity, it is about quality. Remember this rule - it is applicable to many areas of life.

Lesson 2: Dancing.
Go for it. Personally, I think it is kind of cute when a guy is willing to make a fool of himself out on the dance floor - and I'm not the only girl who feels this way. Just try to not hit anyone with your flailing limbs, and it's all good. As an addendum to this rule, however: if you DO notice that people are pointing, glaring or otherwise creating a ten foot buffer zone around you, you may want to tone it down a bit.

Lesson 3: Getting a Clue.
When you are dancing closer to a girl, in an attempt to "make your move," if you will, and you notice that she is edging away, getting closer and closer to the wall (or to the guy with the ten foot buffer zone): SHE IS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. It is as simple as that. She is not playing hard to get: she is just not interested. This is doubly, or triply true, if it is an entire group of girls edging away.

Lesson 4: What Girls Wear.
Some girls in bars and clubs are looking to get picked up. Some are not. There is no way to tell the difference by just looking. There is not a simple equation like: more cleavage = more likely to come home with me. Granted, some girls put it all out there, but contrary to popular belief, that does not mean she is 'easy.' It just means she likes the way she looks, even if she may be in an ill-advised white vinyl mini skirt and fluorescent green tube top. How to know if a girl is on the prowl? I refer back to Lesson 1, or to general common sense. If a girl is all over you, chances are, she's more likely to be on the prowl. Notice that I did not say that she IS on the prowl. Remember that you are in a bar, there is a copious amount of liquor present, so NOTHING is certain.

Lesson 5: Bartender Etiquette.
Not being a bartender, I cannot speak for them. Being a person who uses bartenders to receive drinks in exchange for money, I have one final lesson/plea for all you men. When you see a girl approaching the bar, with that determined "man, I need a drink," look in her eyes, let her through. Have some heart for the poor girl who is forced to purchase her own drink, and don't make her elbow her way up to the front. Heck, if you're feeling magnanimous, offer to buy her a drink. Don't expect anything in return, but you'll make the girls night, believe me. And you might just build up some good karma for yourself - that vinyl-skirted, tube-topped girl may just start giving you some very quality eye contact while you're out boogie-ing on the dance floor...

These are my lessons for you. Learn them. Use them. And stop bugging me when I'm out trying to have fun. Especially if you have a pony tail or the same glasses you wore in junior high.