::Scene::

For some reason, lately (possibly due to lack of actual thought) my mind keeps coming up with random conversations - they play out like scenes in my head. Maybe I'm subconsciously writing a screen play. Take them apples, Matt Damon.

Scene 1 (for Susan)
Person One: Pompous, know-it-all, 'philosophical' debater dude
Person Two: Susan in ten kajillion years (peds oncologist)

One: Your argument lacks structure, and is altogether too emotional. Didn't you ever bother to study debate in your expensive education?

Two: No, I didn't.

One: I don't think one can call oneself educated without a basic comprehension of the fundamentals of debate. How can you engage in meaningful conversation? How can you advance in your career? How could you do that to yourself?

Two: Well, I guess it is because cancer cells don't debate.

Scene 2 (inspired by an add for the next Apprentice)
Person One: Apprentice contestant
Person Three: Someone else

One: My IQ is among the highest two percent in the world.

Three: Wow. Hey. Aren't there like... two billion people living in China right now? That means that there are like... forty million people in China that are just as smart as you.

One: Well, if you go by the numbers, that would seem true. But it would also be true that there were 1.96 billion people dumber than me.

Three: That's a lot of people. [beat] Guess you wouldn't want to say something to make them mad.

I didn't say they were good scenes, people. But how fun would it be to have some sort of smarmy comment at the ready when faced with a situation with an arrogant jerk?

Ahh, but all this planning ahead makes me think of another scene, penned by an author much superior to myself (see if you can name it - it isn't terribly hard, for those who are close to me):

Scene 3.
Person One: Pompous, self-righteous, delusional man
Person Two: Pompous, judgmental, but kind-hearted and amusing man

One: I am happy on every occasion to offer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies [...]

Two: ...[I]t is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?

One: They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.

Yeah, so. My little scenes don't a timeless novel make. But they do entertain me!