A Fresh Perspective

Last week, I had yet another Big Event in my Life as a Resident: the arrival of the medical student!

They came Wednesday morning - So young. So fresh. So... clueless. There are four residents and there were four med students starting, so we each have our own shadow to kind of follow us around. Unintentionally, I'm sure, the students kind of got paired up with residents of similar dispositions. "My" student happens to be a fourth year making up his third year rotation in peds. Which is nice, because it means that I don't have to follow him as much (or rather, he doesn't need to cling to my coat-tails all day).

That first day, I had NO idea what to do with him! I still barely know what I'm doing myself!

Amazingly, however (as I've noticed in the past), if you give me someone to 'teach,' I get a lot more confident in my own opinions and actions. Maybe I'm showing off... But all of a sudden, I'm writing orders, and making decisions and discussing plans with everyone without any (or as much) guidance. I'm also teaching things that I didn't even know I knew. And giving tips on how to give better presentations. Or what questions to ask to get a good birth history. It is SO SO SO weird to be the person in the long coat now.

When I was a third year, I thought interns were so amazing. And now... that's me!

I might have mentioned this before, but some of the best advice I received in medical school seems quite relevant right now. What is that advice, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. It is this: Never compare yourself with people that are ahead of you in their training. If you must compare, look backwards to were you were. Having a med student really shows me that I don't suck.

Something else that is different as a resident: my motivation. As a student, I would see patients, and I'd care about them, but there was still usually a level of dis-connect there. Something upsetting would happen, and I'd care, but I'd also care a lot about whether the patient's problem would keep me from getting home early or not. I worried about it sometimes - could I be a good doctor if I wasn't subverting my own self interests? If I cared more about my hair cut appointment than a patient's MRI results?

Now that I'm the doctor, though, it is totally different. I don't know what made the difference... I guess as a med student I always felt kind of useless. But now... I have to be reminded to eat... I look up patient labs at home. I wake up thinking about whether or not I can get a patient into inpatient rehab that day.

This afternoon, I was scheduled to take the in-service exam (a four hour test we take each year, so they can make sure we're getting smarter). I spent the morning hastily getting things together (I'm a lot busier this week than I had been), and re-admitting a patient. I checked things out to the people that were staying. But when I finished the test early? I didn't even think about going home. I went back up to the floor to make sure my patients were getting taken care of.

You could say it was because I'm a control freak. You'd probably be right. But I think it is also because I finally care about the people. Which makes things a lot more stressful. But so much more rewarding.

Have I mentioned that I love my job? And that is after putting in 38 hours already this week.