Pregnancy Retrospective: The First Ultrasound

As I mentioned in my last post, I was very excited to have a second child joining our family, and looked forward to life as a family of four. My pregnancy with Marian had been relatively uneventful, and I anticipated another uncomplicated pregnancy.

I met with my new OB for the first time around 8-9 weeks, and scheduled a nuchal translucency ultrasound for just over 11 weeks pregnant, on November 18, 2013.

I should back track a few weeks to mention that early on in pregnancy, like around 6 or 7 weeks, Marc had had a dream that we had two baby boys. When I was pregnant with Marian, he'd had a dream that we had two little mini girls running around, so I didn't think much of his twin dream. He insisted that this dream was different, however, because instead of two half-sized kids, there were two full sized babies. I laughed it off, and didn't think much more about it, though he did mention it several times, jokingly.

And, I should back track a few years to mention that I've always been somewhat fascinated with twins. I fully admit it, I am a starer. If I see two kids that might be twins, I stare at them. I blame The Parent Trap. Something about two Hayley Mills was just the ultimate of cool. My fascination just increased as I learned more about the science of genetics and the mystery of things like "twinspeak." (aka "idioglossia") I just think it is the coolest thing that there would be another person who has been with you, literally since the moment you came into existence. It doesn't appear that there is a term for fascination with twins, so allow me to coin the term: "Geminamania" I, Brenna, am a Geminimaniac. (Incidentally, I am also a Gemini)

Marc and I both liked the idea of having 2-3 children, but since I didn't have Marian until I was 33 years old, I told Marc that if he wanted three kids, he'd have to hope that I had twins the next time around. I even told several people that I thought I'd have twins the next time I got pregnant. I also frequently declare that I will win the lottery some day, and I sort of held the idea of having twins on par with the idea of actually winning the lottery.

So, despite Marc's dream, my fascination with twins, and my stated desire to actually have twins, I didn't really think it would happen to me.

Back to November 18, 2013.

The ultrasound tech in our office works evenings, so we went in for our appointment at 7pm. The nice tech led us back to the darkened ultrasound room. I reclined on the table and exposed my belly for some nice, chilly ultrasound gel. She put the probe on my lower abdomen.... and my heart skipped a beat.

As a pediatrician, I order ultrasounds on my patients frequently to look for things like hydronephrosis, rule out pyloric stenosis, or to rule out gall stones. I look at ultrasounds frequently, but my ability to actually interpret them is pretty much limited to "that looks like a pocket of fluid" or "that looks like some sort of organ" So, not a sophisticated knowledge of ultrasounds, but I know what sacs of fluid look like.

And when that probe hit my belly, I saw two sacs of fluid.

My brain started working overtime.

Two sacs. Two sacs? Is it supposed to look that way? I don't remember seeing that with Marian's ultrasounds. Maybe it is just the orientation of the probe? Could it be? No. No way. But what if?

All these thoughts are racing through my head for about 10 seconds as the tech moved the probe a bit, then lifted it up.

Tech: Is this your first ultrasound

Me (reality hitting): Yes

Marc (oblivious): Yep

Tech: Well, congratulations! You're having twins!

Me: You're kidding!

Marc: BAM!

Yes, my first reaction was to deny what my logical brain had already realized. And Marc's first reaction? To celebrate the accuracy of his dream. I still chuckle when I think about it!

The rest of the scan is a bit of a haze in my memory. I remember seeing two heartbeats and two placentas, but I was too dumbfounded to ask any questions.

We left the office, called various family members to tell them the news, and I made my first (and only) vague facebook post ever:

Finding out you are having twins is huge news. Probably in the top 5 pieces of news I have ever received in my life. Honestly, at this moment, I can't think of any other news that rivals the twin news. I think it is because most other big news I have received in life came with some sort of notice. Match Day, finding out Marian was a girl, getting proposed to, all those things came with preparation. The twins news (despite the foreshadowing mentioned above) came COMPLETELY out of the blue.

I have heard the process of finding out you are having multiples compared to the grieving process - you go through the same stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. In my experience, I would have to agree with that. I didn't spend much time in the Anger phase, but I have certainly had periods of denial (lots of denial), bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

It is something I am still coming to terms with, even though these twins will be here in less than 117 hours!

Pregnancy Retrospective: Testing

As I enter my last week of ever being pregnant (unless I have a failed tubal ligation!), I find myself becoming nostalgic for my pregnancies past. I thought I'd take the time to write about it. Read if you like, I'm mostly doing this for my own benefit!

Want to turn a control freak into a completely crazy person? Make it take months for her to get pregnant. Trying to get pregnant with Marian was the MOST stressful thing I have ever been through in my life.

Got a big test to take? I can study for that.
A presentation to give? I can practice.
Try to find a job after residency? Keep applying and interviewing until I find the right fit.
A patient is deteriorating rapidly? That's why I went to school for so long, and have a good team of people to work with.
Sky dive? Been there, done that.
Try to get pregnant? No control.

Obviously, there are SOME things you can control while trying to get pregnant. But when it comes down to it, the magical inner workings of the body are not under my direct supervision. Was there something I could control (bonus points if it is something I'm really good at)? Testing. Did you know you can buy a pack of 50 pregnancy tests for $18.99? Well, you can. And I did. The earliest pregnancy tests on the market claim to give positive results up to 5 days before your missed period, so that was when I would start testing. And I would keep testing every day after that. Sometimes twice a day.

These tests are little, the testing surface can be uneven, and it is really easy to make yourself see faint lines in them. I would spend all day scrutinizing that morning's test, looking at in in different lighting and at different angles, squinting at it forever, trying to figure out if there was a second line there or not. Like I said, I'm good at tests. Except I kept failing these particular tests! I went through not-quite 50 in about 5-6 months.

It ended up taking us about seven months to get pregnant. Seven months during which the obsessive part of my personality became extreme and scary (thankfully mostly self-directed). And that was without entering the world of infertility treatments. I ultimately did a month of acupuncture as a soft 'intro' for possibly starting infertility treatments. Whether it was just timing in general, or the acupuncture, I finally got pregnant! My last period before I finally got my positive pregnancy test was on May 23, 2011.

When we decided to try for baby #2, I did not want to become that crazy person again.

I determined that I was happy to be a mother, and would be perfectly content with only one child if necessary. I did have a few of the "internet cheapie" pregnancy tests left, and I did use them (hey, hard to drop old habits!), but I mostly made myself stick with the expensive pregnancy tests.

We started trying in about June of 2013. Remarkably, I did feel much calmer the second time around, and not nearly so devastated each month when "Aunt Flo" arrived.

Late in September, I started feeling pregnant. My symptoms come early - nausea and exhaustion. I was cautiously optimistic, but put off testing because Marc and I were about to have our first night away from Marian ever for a wedding! A wedding with wine! My cycle was due to start the day before the wedding, but I didn't test. The crazy, obsessive part of my being was tapping on my shoulder, but the new, zen-like Mother of a Toddler was stronger.

We had a great time at the wedding, though I was tired and mildly nauseated. I enjoyed a grand total of about half a glass of wine. After the wedding, Marc and I attempted to walk around San Francisco for a while, but I was exhausted, so we were asleep pretty early.

The next morning, I used my fancy test, and there it was - no squinting or second guessing or going crazy: PREGNANT.

September 29, 2013

My very first response was actually a bit of sadness. I had grown so used to having Marian as an only child, and had worked so hard to accept that as a possible way of life, that the thought of another child entering the family made me a bit sad for her. I got over that quickly, however, and was very excited to have another child on the way.

For exactly seven weeks and one day, I was excited for that second child. Then on November 18th, we had our first ultrasound and my world changed forever!

To be continued...

Day 804: It Has Been A While

Since I last posted, Marian has mastered head control! And crawling, walking, running, hopping, talking, singing, screaming and driving her mother crazy. Now that we are expecting babies #2 AND #3, I figured I would start posting again. Those first few months are so exciting and with so many changes, so keep your eyes open for semi-regularish updates again.