Jump!

As our intern year approached its end, we were asked to submit schedule requests for our second year - what electives we wanted to take, any weekends that we wanted to request off, or any other 'special' requests.

I had one request: to do an ICU rotation before I did a general wards rotation. Why? Well, frankly, the prospect of being the 'senior' resident on the wards over night without having taken care of really sick kids kinda sorta freaked me. In a hugely major way.

When our schedules (finally) came out, I was delighted to see that I started with Nephrology - a subspecialty that I chose to take as one of my electives (the kidney is perhaps the most complicated and elegant thing EVER created, and therefore way above my head), followed by my first ICU month. Success! My one request granted. Happy was I.

Then, the schedule for the month came out and, horror of horrors: I was scheduled to be on call my first Friday night. Ever. On call, overnight, after less than a week of being a 'senior' resident with a brand new intern. Not to mention the fact that as a cross-covering senior, I wouldn't know the patients at all. Or how to take care of anybody if they got, you know, really sick.

Terrifying prospect.

And then tonight came. Oh boy. I literally spent the first hour or so telling myself repeatedly, 'You're the senior, Brenna. The senior. SE-NIOR. That means you're in charge.'

Now, I was fine being the intern overnight. In fact, I dare way that I was great being the intern overnight. The senior said 'jump,' and gosh darn it, I'd jump. I wouldn't ask how high (I leave that question to the med students), but I would get up off my butt and jump - over hurdles, around obstacles, or even just straight up into the air for no good reason.

But tonight, I find myself in the position of telling other people to jump. I don't know how I'm doing. I really don't have any clue. No one has died (knock on wood). I have my PALS card on hand just in case any one should try to, you know, die. (somehow carrying a laminated quad-fold card with lots of small writing and confusing diagrams with arrows pointing in every direction makes me feel more capable of handling a patient who is trying to, you know, die)

My week as a 'senior' resident on Nephrology was great. So far, my night as a 'senior' resident does not appear to be an epic tragedy. Or even a comedy of errors. So I guess that's good. Right?

I really wish there was someone to tell me to jump, though. Because right now, I'm just going to go to sleep. And I'm sure there are many hurdles that will remain un-jumped tonight.