May 27, 2007

The Plague is Coming! Or Maybe Not...

Apparently, one hundred years ago today a small epidemic of the Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco. Less historically notable, but more personally relevant, one year ago today: I broke out in Sacramento. (Yes, I am comparing myself to the Bubonic Plague.)

And on my Year-In-Sacramento Anniversary, I am also celebrating the beginning of my Last Rotation As An Intern. I looked but Hallmark does not, in fact, carry a "Congratulations On Your One Year Living In Sacramento Anniversary And About To Be Starting Your Last Rotation As An Intern" cards. I'm totally going to send them a sappy poem so they can make one.

I've found that I always sink into this slight depression at the beginning of a new rotation. I think it is really just the way my anxiety plays out. That, and the fact that, despite all my other Gemini-like traits (inability to make a decision, a tendency to shy away from philosophical/meaning-of-life discussions, optimistic, etc.) I hate change.

Okay, I take that back (hello, inability to make a decision). Part of me obviously loves change and the challenge it presents, or I would not find myself living in the fifth state of the last ten years. I'm sure there is some psycho-analytically based reason for that, but we'll just call it a gypsy heart (and there's the shying away from meaning-of-life issues!)

The part of me that has to start a new rotation is alway gloomy on these transition days, though. (Did I mention that Gemini is the "twins" - multiple personalities?) I hate not being in control, which is what I think this gloominess boils down to. On the new rotation, I have to start over with new people, places, schedules, attitudes, everything. No control. Grumble.

My Last Rotation is Hem/Onc, which is generally accepted as the 'hardest' rotation of intern year. Seeing as it is the Last Rotation of Intern Year (have I mentioned that?), I'm not dreading the work so much as the change. I am actually looking forward to this month as a whole - the new interns arrive (!), it's my birthday, there is graduation stuff for the seniors, I am moving - all sorts of big and cool stuff is going down. But I still find myself (metaphorically) beating my head against the wall.

Still. It could be worse. I could have the plague!

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